1 00:00:01,476 --> 00:00:04,379 [bluesy rock music] 2 00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:08,183 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:11,787 --> 00:00:15,725 Um, I don't think it's gonna happen, Butt-Head. 4 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,260 Just be patient, Beavis. 5 00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:20,062 It'll happen. 6 00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:22,031 Come on, Butt-Head. We've been waiting too long. 7 00:00:22,031 --> 00:00:24,299 Let's go--whoa! Whoa, it's happening. 8 00:00:24,299 --> 00:00:26,401 It's really happening. 9 00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:29,071 I told you so, Beavis. 10 00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:31,641 That teddy bear's taking a dump. 11 00:00:31,641 --> 00:00:34,309 Worth the wait. 12 00:00:34,309 --> 00:00:35,645 Plop. 13 00:00:35,645 --> 00:00:37,012 Hey. 14 00:00:37,012 --> 00:00:38,447 Is that your dog? 15 00:00:38,447 --> 00:00:41,116 Uh, no. 16 00:00:41,116 --> 00:00:42,985 That was a dog? 17 00:00:42,985 --> 00:00:47,156 Typical, these rich jerks pay $5,000 for a designer dog. 18 00:00:47,156 --> 00:00:49,224 Then they don't pick up after it. 19 00:00:49,224 --> 00:00:53,162 Whoa, $5,000? 20 00:00:53,963 --> 00:00:56,065 Yeah, they crossbreed two types of dogs. 21 00:00:56,065 --> 00:00:58,000 Then they sell the puppies for thousands 22 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,670 while regular dogs rot in the pound. 23 00:01:00,670 --> 00:01:02,738 Beavis, did you hear that? 24 00:01:02,738 --> 00:01:05,474 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he said "pound." 25 00:01:05,474 --> 00:01:08,443 No, dumbass, that guy said if we can get a dog 26 00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:09,945 to score with another dog, 27 00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:12,447 people will give us money for the dog babies. 28 00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:15,685 Whoa, really? That's cool. 29 00:01:15,685 --> 00:01:18,287 Beavis, we must begin breeding. 30 00:01:20,022 --> 00:01:23,693 Breeding means score. [both chuckle] 31 00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:29,064 I saw a dog around here yesterday. 32 00:01:29,064 --> 00:01:31,500 Was it in a tree or something? 33 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:35,204 Whoa, there it is. 34 00:01:37,707 --> 00:01:40,776 I thought that was, like, a bear or something. 35 00:01:40,776 --> 00:01:43,012 Well, it's a dog now. 36 00:01:43,012 --> 00:01:45,781 As long as it's got four legs and a schlong, 37 00:01:45,781 --> 00:01:49,118 it's gonna score until we get $5,000. 38 00:01:49,118 --> 00:01:51,821 Lucky bastard. 39 00:01:51,821 --> 00:01:54,023 Get him, Beavis. 40 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:58,060 Hey there, doggie. 41 00:01:58,060 --> 00:01:59,628 Good boy or something. 42 00:01:59,729 --> 00:02:01,463 Who's a good--ow! 43 00:02:01,463 --> 00:02:04,033 Ahh, bad dog! Damn it! 44 00:02:04,033 --> 00:02:06,468 Son of a bitch, ahh! Butt-Head, help me! 45 00:02:06,468 --> 00:02:07,937 Ahh, Butt-Head, help! 46 00:02:07,937 --> 00:02:09,504 Damn it, Beavis, don't hurt its schlong. 47 00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:13,242 - I'll kick your ass! - He needs it to score. 48 00:02:13,242 --> 00:02:16,245 Damn it, ahh! 49 00:02:18,147 --> 00:02:20,249 We got him where we want him, Beavis. 50 00:02:20,249 --> 00:02:22,818 Now get in there. 51 00:02:22,818 --> 00:02:24,286 I don't know, Butt-Head. 52 00:02:24,286 --> 00:02:26,621 He's kind of, like, mad or something. 53 00:02:26,756 --> 00:02:28,090 He's not mad. 54 00:02:28,090 --> 00:02:29,792 He just wants us to take him to the park, 55 00:02:29,792 --> 00:02:33,028 so he can, like, get busy. 56 00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:36,365 Really? 'Cause he seems kind of mad. 57 00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:39,368 Let me see. 58 00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:41,070 Ow, ahh! 59 00:02:41,070 --> 00:02:45,007 Okay, Beavis, get in there and gain his trust. 60 00:02:45,007 --> 00:02:47,076 Butthole, ahh! 61 00:02:47,076 --> 00:02:49,578 You better not be hurting its schlong in there. 62 00:02:49,578 --> 00:02:52,214 Ahh, ahh! 63 00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:55,284 We're gonna be millionaires. 64 00:02:57,319 --> 00:02:59,588 Damn it, Beavis, keep him under control. 65 00:02:59,588 --> 00:03:02,992 He's gonna scare off all the hot dog chicks. 66 00:03:02,992 --> 00:03:06,595 Quiet down, boy. You know what I'm saying? 67 00:03:06,595 --> 00:03:09,164 Good boy. 68 00:03:10,132 --> 00:03:14,103 Uh, hello lady dogs. 69 00:03:14,103 --> 00:03:16,806 How do we make our dog, like, want to score? 70 00:03:16,806 --> 00:03:18,841 Our dog is cool, Beavis. 71 00:03:18,841 --> 00:03:22,077 It wants to score all the time like a normal person. 72 00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:24,479 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, me too. 73 00:03:24,479 --> 00:03:26,215 We taught him well. 74 00:03:26,215 --> 00:03:29,684 We need to find, like, the perfect chick dog, 75 00:03:29,819 --> 00:03:33,188 and then, like, let nature take its course. 76 00:03:36,325 --> 00:03:39,261 So which dog should our dog score with? 77 00:03:41,530 --> 00:03:45,100 Uh, too dirty. 78 00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:48,703 Looks like it's made out of nut sack. 79 00:03:48,838 --> 00:03:53,843 Uh, that one will, like, scare his boner off. 80 00:03:53,843 --> 00:03:55,477 Aw, that one seems nice. 81 00:03:55,477 --> 00:03:56,846 She's got a nice face, you know. 82 00:03:56,846 --> 00:04:01,083 We want him to score with it, not marry it. 83 00:04:01,083 --> 00:04:03,618 That one's got nice hair. 84 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:08,891 Uh, I think she's, like, taken or something. 85 00:04:08,891 --> 00:04:12,227 [both chuckling] 86 00:04:12,227 --> 00:04:15,264 - Whoa. - Ooh, yeah. 87 00:04:15,264 --> 00:04:17,532 That's what I'm talking about. 88 00:04:17,532 --> 00:04:19,368 That dog is hot. 89 00:04:19,368 --> 00:04:23,405 It's like boi-oi-oi-oing! 90 00:04:23,405 --> 00:04:26,375 Come to Butt-Head's dog. 91 00:04:26,375 --> 00:04:29,444 Well, polish up your dog schlong 92 00:04:29,444 --> 00:04:32,882 because you're about to score. 93 00:04:32,882 --> 00:04:34,216 Hey, best pal-y. I'm Ali. 94 00:04:34,216 --> 00:04:36,385 And you may remember me from such things 95 00:04:36,385 --> 00:04:38,287 as covering my car in blue AstroTurf. 96 00:04:38,287 --> 00:04:40,489 Well, as I've been driving my fake grass around, 97 00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:42,557 I couldn't help but think, fake is good, 98 00:04:42,557 --> 00:04:44,526 but living is more outrageous. 99 00:04:44,526 --> 00:04:47,897 Can I turn my car into a giant Chia Pet. 100 00:04:47,897 --> 00:04:51,633 Uh, oh, boy. 101 00:04:52,801 --> 00:04:54,536 Wow. 102 00:04:54,536 --> 00:04:58,773 You think this girl ever, like, gets tired of herself? 103 00:04:58,908 --> 00:05:02,811 No, 'cause I think other people being tired of her 104 00:05:02,912 --> 00:05:04,813 gives her energy. 105 00:05:04,914 --> 00:05:07,582 She, like, feeds off of it. 106 00:05:07,582 --> 00:05:09,751 This is a car-pet, but I want to cultivate 107 00:05:09,751 --> 00:05:11,320 a lush, growing car-den. 108 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,388 She's trying to, like, be entertaining 109 00:05:13,388 --> 00:05:16,425 with every single word she says. 110 00:05:16,425 --> 00:05:20,529 She just never talks in a normal voice or a normal way. 111 00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:26,268 It's like this entire video is one long sentence. 112 00:05:26,268 --> 00:05:30,973 Yeah, life sentence, I tell ya. 113 00:05:30,973 --> 00:05:34,643 I bet she's, like, really difficult to watch. 114 00:05:34,643 --> 00:05:39,448 Yeah, yeah, uh, we are watching her, Butt-Head. 115 00:05:39,448 --> 00:05:42,952 And it is difficult. I was right. 116 00:05:44,253 --> 00:05:46,455 And, of course, into vans that you rent 117 00:05:46,455 --> 00:05:48,257 and drive Lyft around. 118 00:05:48,257 --> 00:05:50,960 She's quirky. 119 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,963 I'm glad I'm not quirky. 120 00:05:53,963 --> 00:05:55,664 Me too. 121 00:05:55,664 --> 00:05:59,501 I have no quirks, and I'm happy about it. 122 00:06:00,335 --> 00:06:03,238 I mean, I still sniff glue sometimes, 123 00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:04,706 but that's not really a quirk, you know. 124 00:06:04,706 --> 00:06:08,077 It's more like, you know, an addiction. 125 00:06:08,777 --> 00:06:10,479 Still been too busy coming up with dumb ideas 126 00:06:10,479 --> 00:06:12,047 and then executing them. 127 00:06:12,047 --> 00:06:14,849 I don't know how she lives with herself, really. 128 00:06:14,984 --> 00:06:19,521 Uh, yeah, I think, in between every shot, 129 00:06:19,521 --> 00:06:22,257 she sleeps for like 22 hours. 130 00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:23,792 Oh, yeah, yeah. 131 00:06:23,792 --> 00:06:26,628 I got 30 pounds of chia, and I thought, 132 00:06:26,628 --> 00:06:29,298 that might be too much, so I made it 60 pounds 133 00:06:29,298 --> 00:06:30,565 just to be sure it's too much. 134 00:06:30,565 --> 00:06:32,567 Like, your mouth works, ma'am. 135 00:06:32,567 --> 00:06:35,637 You can stop testing it. 136 00:06:35,637 --> 00:06:37,506 One thing I'll say about this is, 137 00:06:37,506 --> 00:06:41,710 it makes me glad that I never do projects. 138 00:06:41,710 --> 00:06:44,413 Accomplishment sucks. 139 00:06:44,413 --> 00:06:46,515 [chuckles] 140 00:06:46,515 --> 00:06:48,083 Focus on the car. 141 00:06:48,083 --> 00:06:51,886 I'm covering this car with my need for attention. 142 00:06:52,021 --> 00:06:54,023 [chuckling] 143 00:06:54,023 --> 00:06:57,292 Is there a way to, like, turn down her personality? 144 00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:59,828 Like on the TV, you know? 145 00:06:59,828 --> 00:07:04,133 Uh, maybe in, like, advanced settings 146 00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:08,203 under, like, motion blur. 147 00:07:09,071 --> 00:07:11,440 It's gonna take three weeks to get my ID, 148 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,708 so subscribe and stay tuned because I'm sure 149 00:07:13,708 --> 00:07:15,477 I'll show you how stupid I look in the final picture 150 00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:16,878 in a future video. 151 00:07:16,878 --> 00:07:18,547 What an asshole. 152 00:07:18,547 --> 00:07:21,050 [chuckling] 153 00:07:21,050 --> 00:07:23,152 [laughing] 154 00:07:23,152 --> 00:07:27,389 Wow, I've never heard you say that, Butt-Head. 155 00:07:27,389 --> 00:07:30,225 I've never needed to say it before. 156 00:07:30,225 --> 00:07:33,062 And this time, it needed to be said. 157 00:07:33,062 --> 00:07:37,166 [upbeat music] 158 00:07:37,166 --> 00:07:40,569 You know, when they say, like, the internet is bad, 159 00:07:40,569 --> 00:07:42,971 like, bad for mankind, 160 00:07:43,072 --> 00:07:46,175 they mean this. 161 00:07:46,175 --> 00:07:48,577 You might get diar-chia. 162 00:07:49,478 --> 00:07:51,413 Ooh, yeah, yeah. 163 00:07:51,413 --> 00:07:53,515 That dog's got it in all the right places. 164 00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:55,417 Yeah. 165 00:07:55,417 --> 00:07:57,486 Uh, dog? 166 00:07:57,486 --> 00:07:59,621 We have found your dog chick. 167 00:07:59,621 --> 00:08:02,257 And now you must score. 168 00:08:02,257 --> 00:08:04,559 [both chuckle] 169 00:08:04,559 --> 00:08:07,796 You know, I wish a dog would make me score. 170 00:08:07,796 --> 00:08:10,099 That would be cool, but then, like, 171 00:08:10,099 --> 00:08:11,900 the dog would get all the money. 172 00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:14,103 So what? I still scored. 173 00:08:14,103 --> 00:08:16,338 Everything's not always about money, Butt-Head. 174 00:08:16,338 --> 00:08:18,107 If your job is scoring, 175 00:08:18,107 --> 00:08:21,276 you'll never work a day in your life. 176 00:08:21,276 --> 00:08:22,711 There she is, boy. 177 00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:24,113 Now remember everything we told you. 178 00:08:24,113 --> 00:08:26,115 This is where it all pays off. 179 00:08:26,115 --> 00:08:28,150 Go! 180 00:08:29,451 --> 00:08:31,486 Uh... 181 00:08:31,486 --> 00:08:33,522 where'd he go? 182 00:08:33,522 --> 00:08:36,725 [raccoon chittering] 183 00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,927 Whoa, he's scoring. 184 00:08:38,927 --> 00:08:41,763 Yeah, yeah, look at him go. 185 00:08:41,763 --> 00:08:43,932 [dog yelping] 186 00:08:43,932 --> 00:08:46,535 Butt-Head, are they supposed to be biting 187 00:08:46,535 --> 00:08:48,437 and scratching so much? 188 00:08:48,437 --> 00:08:50,272 It doesn't look that fun. 189 00:08:50,272 --> 00:08:53,142 Well, some people don't enjoy scoring, Beavis. 190 00:08:53,142 --> 00:08:55,144 Maybe it's just not your thing. 191 00:08:55,144 --> 00:08:57,446 No, no, no, I mean, it looks cool. 192 00:08:57,446 --> 00:08:59,013 I just--you know. 193 00:08:59,148 --> 00:09:00,849 No, no, it's okay, Beavis. 194 00:09:00,849 --> 00:09:02,884 Maybe you're just not old enough. 195 00:09:02,884 --> 00:09:04,586 Don't let anyone pressure you into something 196 00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:05,787 you're not ready for. 197 00:09:05,787 --> 00:09:07,156 Shut up, Butt-Head! Shut up. 198 00:09:07,156 --> 00:09:11,193 I'm really into it. Yeah, get it. 199 00:09:11,193 --> 00:09:12,694 Get off of him! 200 00:09:12,694 --> 00:09:14,028 [dog yelping] 201 00:09:14,163 --> 00:09:16,765 Come on, Rufus. You poor boy. 202 00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,333 I'm taking you right to the vet! 203 00:09:18,333 --> 00:09:21,703 Hey, you've got, like, half our dog babies in there. 204 00:09:21,703 --> 00:09:23,272 Yeah, our dog scored. 205 00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:26,408 And that's where dog babies come from or something. 206 00:09:26,408 --> 00:09:28,243 Hey. 207 00:09:28,243 --> 00:09:32,147 Did I hear him say that his dog was, like, a boy? 208 00:09:32,147 --> 00:09:36,751 Uh, oh, yeah. I think he did. 209 00:09:36,751 --> 00:09:40,655 Then who's gonna have the puppies? 210 00:09:42,691 --> 00:09:45,527 That dumbass took the wrong dog. 211 00:09:45,527 --> 00:09:48,430 [chuckles] 212 00:09:50,265 --> 00:09:52,567 [raccoon shrieks] 213 00:09:52,567 --> 00:09:55,204 [glass shattering] 214 00:09:55,204 --> 00:09:56,705 It's dark. 215 00:09:56,705 --> 00:10:00,742 [heavy rock music] 216 00:10:00,742 --> 00:10:03,712 [bluesy rock music] 217 00:10:03,712 --> 00:10:10,919 ♪ ♪ 218 00:10:23,898 --> 00:10:25,800 [chiming noises] 219 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,402 Chirp.